It was my birthday yesterday and I had sometime to reflect. Reflect on the past year, and how far I have come. Reflect on areas I achieved and areas I fell short. The “fell short” seems to always be easier to see. I guess it is true when they say you are your biggest critic. But I turned down the volume in my head and looked up. This year I felt God inviting me to a quiet place of conversation with me. I felt Him asking me to sit with him and reflect with Him. Him, giving me the opportunity to unpack my fears and anxiety for the new year with Him. He invited me into a quiet place and I answered his invitation.

So there I was, my birthday afternoon in a quiet room. No phone for background music, just me and Him. I sat in silence for a while. A little anxious about what anxiety I was possibly holding in but excited that my Lord wanted to talk; so in the midst of the nerves, I felt safe. Safe to know I can be real with him; I started mumbling for a few minutes and then I heard Him ask me to write. I had a book and a pen. I stared at the blank page for a while, then I began writing. The pen did not work at first but thankfully there was a spare on in the drawer. So take two, I put pen to paper and started writing, in my own thoughts what I wanted year 33 to be.

After two sentences God said “ask for more.” I smiled a little, took a deep breath, skipped the next line as an indication of starting afresh and then He started to speak. The interesting thing was He allowed me write my thoughts and then I heard His thoughts and plans in between mine. He told me a few words, a few enough for me to know it was Him. Some I reluctantly wrote because they seemed scary to think that God wanted “little me” to be what He said and others, I smiled and thought to myself okay, if you say so.

I know He wanted me to write some of my thoughts because He wants me to have hope again. To believe again for more, to stop settling, to draw closer, to imagine more and believe for more. He wants be to be in a place where contentment is not an excuse for laziness but where I truly believe him for who He is and know Him more. Intimacy is what I hope to build this year with Him like never before. I enjoyed those few moments we spent together. In that little black book I wrote statements of declarations of who I will be this new year through Christ who strengthens me. I am holding on to hope and speaking to myself “let faith arise.” I know strongly it is all possible, to be who God has called me to be is possible!