I Used To Be Her
Dec 23, 2020There are days when I sit and wonder who this girl is
I used to be that girl who never prioritized rest
I used to be that girl who didn’t know how to be still
The girl who considered the art of continuously being busy a lifestyle.
I liked occupying my time with things, every minute planned
I had taught my body to practice the art of sleeping for 4 hours daily
I practiced the art of daily all-nighters like I was studying for a test, but sadly no one was grading me.
I never said no, I always signed up for everything
I got married and this norm continued…. “I have to keep working hard, this is who I am,” I told myself
I have many passions, I can do it all, that is what the bible says about me, I can do all things.
Even after two children I still pushed.
I used to be that girl who knew no boundaries.
Successful? Yes, Passionate about helping people? Yes, Loved Ministry? Yes. Hard worker? Yes.
But there was something wrong with the picture. I never rested.
The truth is I had trained myself to be so content with that reality, that I didn’t see anything wrong with it.
Until one day, God called me to a quiet place.
He made me lie down in what felt like a dark place to me, but looking back I realize there is no other way.
No other way He could have gotten me to be still.
I will share more about this dark place in a future post. As the holidays come around this year I am looking at who I am in a mirror and I see someone different. I see someone who is embracing the time of rest. I am not scared of it, I am not thinking about work, I am not thinking of all the things I have to do. I am embracing the season for what it is. I am spending time with my family and with myself. It seems strange but this is my reality and I like it.
Now I wonder where is that girl, I don’t miss her
I am the girl who has embraced the life of balance
I am the girl who understands that busy all the time is not healthy
I am the girl who makes time for herself, God, family, and friends
I am the girl who is comfortable saying no because I realize that I need to know first at what cost
I am a girl who is growing is and learning from her past mistakes
I am falling in love with me again.
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